Me happy, you happy, everyone happy.

I have an overall theory of how to have a happy life. 

Here it is.

In a marriage, with kids especially, there is what I see to be a hierarchy of happiness. A flow chart of priority that if disobeyed will always lead to problems. 

It's sort of like Asimov's 3 laws of robotics.

It goes like this:

Priorities (In order of importance)

1-You. 

2-Your spouse.

3-Your Children.

That may seem counter-intuitive but I will illustrate how it is 100% correct and also how changing the order in will always be inherently detrimental.

First let me expand:

1-You. 

Your happiness in life takes priority over everything else provided that, 

A/ it does not significantly interfere with you spouse's ability to pursue their own happiness.  

B/ it does not significantly interfere with your ability to maintain a happy marriage.

C/ it does not significantly interfere with your ability to be a 'present' parent.

If your happiness is dependant on something which inherently negates B/ or C/ you really should not get married or have kids. Others will suffer for it. There's nothing wrong with living a selfish life, but one cannot have their cake and eat it too.  

2-Your spouse.

Your spouse takes next priority. Only when the first priority is in relative order can you be a heathy partner. You must both do everything you can to ensure that the other person is fulfilling priority #1. A heathy, balanced, marriage can only work when both of you feel personally content. This does not mean going on non-stop couples cruises! "C" still applies: your marriage is priority as long it does not significantly interfere with your ability to be a 'present' parent.

3-Your Children.

Only when priorities #1 & #2 are in order can either of you be healthy, balanced, useful parents. This does not mean you drink the last glass of milk instead of giving it to your child or letting a child get hit by a car instead of throwing yourself in it's path. It means in the event of cabin decompression you must always put on your oxygen mask first. Only then can you help you child.

Change the order and you will have problems. Putting a child ahead of a marriage will harm the marriage, you and possibly the child. Putting your spouse ahead of yourself will eventually cause unhappiness, regret and resentment.

It's clear that common sense, balance and honest, ego-free communication is key to all these things. And this is also assuming that there is a fundamental foundation of mutual love and respect to begin with. Without that there will be little happiness to be found.

Strive to be happy.

Encourage you partner to do likewise.

Happy parents = Happy marriage = happy kids.

Since I stole the first line from the Desiderata, I'll just copy the whole thing:

Here is the best advice I've ever read.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.